My Little Man is 1 years old!!!

On September 9th, my adorable nephew Antonio Steven turned 1 year. It seems like yesterday his parent, Tina and Johnny brought him from the hospital.

After he was born, I would go see Antonio on a weekly basis. Each time he would be doing something new; holding his head up on his own, looking around, smiling, sitting up, crawling and clapping. Then a few weeks before his birthday, Antonio began taking his 1st steps. Now he is running around faster then the speed of light. One minute, he'll be standing next to you and within a blink of eye he'll be across the room.

My Little Man has a beautiful smile. When people that he recognizes walk into a room, he will smile and runs to you arms open wide. Being able to spend a Saturday afternoon with him is such a joy. Antonio is the one person who can bring me out of the darkness where at times, I still find myself.

We celebrated Antonio's 1st birthday on September 12, which seemed fitting since it would have been my Dad's 60th birthday. At the party, many family members were present but of course the absence of his grandpa and grandma was felt.

As I have said before, our lives seem to be filled with bittersweet moments. A happy occasion such as Antonio's birthday it is clouded by thoughts of "if only they were here!" Of course our main focus is that My Little Man is a health and happy little boy who we all love so much. He is the light that shines bright in our lives and makes it a little easier to live with our truth.

This Time of Year!

The fall season is upon us once again. The leaves are starting to change colour and falling off the trees; it's getting cooler outside and the days are getting shorter.

For me, this time of year is an emotion roll coaster. My moods can change from one extreme to the next. The month of November is not far off.

Feelings of despair and sadness seem to resurface starting in September continuing right thru to December. Memories of Mom talking, smiling, laughing and trying to stay brave for us, are constantly replaying in my head. Christmas was her favorite holiday. The holidays have never been the same since we lost her. I miss her!!

It's still a struggle knowing that my Mom is somebody I now "remember". Speaking of her in the past tense and using words such as, "she was" or "would have been" is so strange.

There are 2 saved messages on my answer machine from when Mom called me from her vacation in Greece in 2001. After we lost her, I'd listen to her voice over and over for months. I have not done that in quite a while, until the other day. I played the messages again and again. I cried.

I miss her!

Coming to terms with my Mom's passing remains a challenge. One thing that makes it harder is when people say "oh Rena it's time for you to be past this." I did not realize there is a time limit on grief or on missing a loved one. It would be helpful if people just listened and allowed me to express my thoughts/feelings.

I understand that my friends/family do not want me to be sad or depression. The truth is, when it comes to my parents being gone, I am sad, sad that they can't be here and sad that Antonio will never meet them.

Some have said that I need to "accept" what has happen. And I say, certain people need to "accept" that during this time of year, I am sad.

Managing on ODSP:

One of the stresses in life, especially in today's economy is worrying about having enough money. For those receiving ODSP, that worry/stress is constant.

Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) is a government program that provides financial assistance to people living with disabilities.

A single person living in subsided housing can receive a monthly amount of $700.00. This covers:

• Rent: $200.00
• Food $200 (a month)
• Phone: $30.00
• Bus Tokens: $60.00
• Cable: $25.00 (basic)
• Internet: $25.00
• Cell Phone: $25.00 (no features)


• Total: $565.00 a month.

Leaving $135.00 for socialization, clothing and other expenses (family functions, Christmas etc).

Items such as cell phone and the internet may seem as a luxury but it really isn't.

When I am out at the mall and need to call to check on a late bus, it is much more efficient for me to use my cell phone than a pay phone. Using a pay phone is time consuming as well as difficult. It can take me 15 minutes just to make a phone call using a pay phone.

Also, when taking a stroll around the neighborhood and my scooter stalls, which it has happened, how would I get to a pay phone to call for help? I need a cell phone to call for assistance.

Having the internet is a way of socialization. Nowadays, everybody is chatting on line. And the internet is a form of finding a job and/or looking for volunteer opportunities. For me, sometimes it's much easier to answer an email then to talk on the phone.

One of the things I enjoy doing is meeting up with friends for lunch which means budgeting my money for that social outing. Having lunch once or twice a month can cost maybe $30.00 ($15.00 each time). I also sit on a few committees and attend 3 meetings a month so I need to make sure my 25 bus tokens ($60.00) last me the whole month.

That leaves $100.00 for the rest of the month, which works out to $25.00 a week for clothes, personal items and other things.

There are also the family occasions: weddings, bridal showers, birthday parties. This summer alone, I have had 2 showers and a wedding. In September, my nephew turns a year and of course it would be nice to buy him a few nice things. Over the last few months, I have had to figure out how to have enough money for these family occasions.

During the winter months, more clothing needs to be brought, Wheel Trans is used more often due to the cold/snow,(buying more bus tokens ) and there is also Christmas season. These are added expenses that ODSP dose not take into consideration. It would be helpful if they would think about giving a winter allowance.

Some may say get a part time job. Working even part time, does not always means more money. Often when one is employed Rent can increase and the ODSP cheque can decrease because one is earning a little extra. So in the end a person working and being on assistance may make $50 bucks more a month.

Living with a disability has many challenges and unfortunately one of them is worrying about having enough money every month. This is one of the reasons I am a committee member of the Poverty Working Group. We meet once a month and discuss strategies on how to improve the services offered the Ontario Disability Support Program. It is our hope that ODSP will start making changes so that people with disabilities receiving financial assistance can stop living below the poverty line.

Til Next Blog!, Keep Well!